Crim De La Crim

Okay, pull up a chair and let me tell you about a game so gloriously, ridiculously British that it makes Tea & Sympathy look like a saloon brawl. I’m talking about Crim De La Crim, the board game where you become a Victorian villain.

The Plot Twist of a Lifetime

You’re not a hero here. You’re a criminal mastermind in foggy London, trying to pull off the most audacious heists while your rivals try to tattle on you to Scotland Yard. It’s like a mustache-twirling soap opera, but with dice.

Each player gets a character like “The Professor” or “The Sly Fox” (yes, those are the actual names). Your goal? Score the most notoriety by committing crimes that are so cheeky, they’d make Sherlock Holmes roll his eyes.

The Game of “I’m Not a Crook, You Are”

The real genius is how you sabotage each other. You can bribe the cops, plant evidence, or even frame another player with a fake alibi. I once spent an entire turn accusing my friend of “stealing a stuffed parrot” just to watch him sweat. It’s petty. It’s glorious.

And the best part? The game ends with a “Trial” phase. If you’re caught, you lose all your ill-gotten fame. So you’re constantly trying to be just shady enough without getting busted. It’s like playing poker, but with monocles and top hats.

Surprising Fact #1: It’s Older Than You Think

Crim De La Crim was first published in 1986, but it feels like it was smuggled out of a Dickens novel. The original box had art so gloriously cheesy—think Monty Python meets Oliver Twist—that it’s now a collector’s item.

Como Calcular Crim - Catalog Library

Fun fact: The game was so popular in the UK that it inspired a TV game show in the late ’80s. Yes, real adults dressed up as Victorian crooks and stole fake jewels on television. I wish I was kidding.

Why It’s Perfect for a Drunken Game Night

If you’ve got a group of friends who love Catan but wish it involved more backstabbing and fake British accents, this is your jam. The rules are simple: roll dice, commit crimes, lie your teeth off.

One warning: Do not play this with your grandma unless she’s okay with you accusing her of “illegally pawning a carriage.” My grandmother still won’t talk to me after I carted her off to the virtual gallows.

Vu d'ici, lu ailleurs: Joseph, la crème de la crim'

The Surprising Fact That’ll Make You a Party Hero

Here’s a gem: The game uses a “Guilt Meter” that tracks how suspicious you look. But here’s the kicker—the suspicion tokens are little bowler hats. You literally build a pile of hats on your character card. If your hat tower falls over, you’re caught. It’s absurd and I love it.

Also, the game’s creator, Peter Sarrett, once said he based the gameplay on the idea that “everyone secretly wants to be a scoundrel.” Well, sir, you were right. I’ve never felt more alive than when I was accused of “bribing a constable with a ham sandwich.”

Final Verdict (And a Plea)

Crim De La Crim is a wild, chaotic masterpiece that’s been tragically out of print for years. You can still find copies on eBay, but be ready to pay more than a real crime’s ransom. If you spot one at a thrift store, grab it like a Victorian pickpocket.

It’s the perfect antidote to a boring game night: a reminder that sometimes, the best way to spend an evening is pretending to be a very bad person. Just don’t blame me if your friends start calling you “the Limey Liar” for the rest of your life.