How To Battle With Pokemon Go

So, you’ve been wandering around like a derpy tourist, tossing Poke Balls at Pidgeys. Now some wild critter is staring you down, and you have to battle. First rule: don’t panic. You are not a Cirque du Soleil performer, so stop trying to dodge attacks by flailing your phone around—it’s useless and you’ll look like a goose.

Tap Like a Maniac (But Not Really)

The core of battle is tapping the enemy Pokemon until it faints. This is surprisingly therapeutic, like hitting a piñata that screams. But here’s the kicker: you can charge up a special attack by tapping furiously to fill a blue bar. Once it’s full, hold your finger down and release for a devastating move—think of it as your Pokemon’s version of a dramatic anime finale.

Fun fact: if you tap too fast, your finger might cramp up. I once had to battle a Blissey with my left hand because my right hand was giving me the claw. The phone in a cup holder trick? Actually works for grinding, but looks ridiculous in public.

Dodging: The Art of Looking Smooth

When the enemy Pokemon glows yellow and flashes, that’s your cue to swipe left or right like you’re rejecting a bad Tinder date. You can dodge some attacks, but not all—especially the “charged” moves labeled as “powerful.” Hidden truth: the game’s timing is slightly off, so you’ll still get hit half the time. That’s fine. Pretend it’s character building.

Pro tip: don’t dodge in Raid Battles with twenty players. You’ll just look like a confused crab. Instead, just tap and pray. The sheer chaos of twenty phones flailing is surprisingly effective.

How to battle in Pokemon GO - YouTube

Type Matchups: The Secret Sauce

You know how your aunt brings potato salad to every family picnic, even though nobody eats it? That’s like using a Fire type against a Water type. Useless. Check the Pokemon’s typing—every species has a “type” (Fire, Water, Grass, etc.). Water beats Fire; Grass beats Water; and Electric beats Flying, which is why Pikachu is terrifying to Pidgey.

If you ignore this, expect to see your Pokemon faint faster than a promise made at a bachelor party. Use the recommended party the game suggests—it’s not perfect, but it’s better than your “gut feeling” that told you to use a Magikarp against a Dragonite.

Surprising Facts to Brag About

Here’s a wild one: your Pokemon’s Individual Values (IVs) are hidden stats that determine how good the monster is—like a secret IQ score. You can check them with in-game appraisal or third-party apps. A Pokemon with perfect IVs is basically the Olympic athlete of digital animals. A zero-IV Pokemon? That’s your cousin who still lives in the basement.

Pokemon GO PvP guide: everything you need to know about Trainer Battles

Also, in Raid Battles, you can catch the boss after defeating it, but the catch rate is roughly the same as convincing a cat to take a bath. Use Golden Razz Berries and aim for “Excellent” throws—or just accept you’ll scream at your screen. We all do.

The Final Boss: Your Phone Battery

The real enemy isn’t Team Rocket; it’s your phone battery hitting 15% mid-battle. You’ll be sweating more than a vegan at a barbecue. Pack a portable charger or risk being that person begging for an outlet at Starbucks. And if you lose? Just blame lag. It’s the universal excuse for failing at a children’s game as an adult.

So go forth, tap with reckless abandon, and remember: the only rule is to have fun… while you still have data. Happy hunting, you beautiful disaster.