How To Make A Marriage Work

Let’s be honest: marriage is not a fairytale. It’s more like a co-op video game where you both have different controllers and someone keeps hitting the pause button. But here’s the secret—when you figure out the cheat codes, it becomes the most fun adventure you’ll ever have.

Stop Trying to Win

First, ditch the scoreboard. In marriage, you either both win or both lose, so stop keeping track of who left the milk out. That scorekeeping? It’s a total buzzkill.

Instead, try radical teamwork. When your partner messes up (and they will—it’s part of the human software), ask yourself: “What would make this moment easier for us?” That shift alone can turn a grumpy Tuesday into a giggly one.

Become a Professional Apologizer

Here’s a fun fact: “I’m sorry” is a magic spell, but only if you actually mean it. Don’t follow it with a “but.” A “but” is just an accusation wearing an apology hat.

Try this instead: “I messed up. How can I fix this?” It disarms your partner faster than a nerf gun at a pillow fight. And let’s be real—owning your goofs makes you look humble and hot at the same time. Double win.

Talk Like a Human, Not a Lawyer

We often speak to our spouses like we’re presenting evidence in court. “You never do the dishes!” Ugh, that’s a terrible opening line.

Flip the script: use “I feel” statements. Say, “I feel overwhelmed when the dishes pile up,” and suddenly you’re a team solving a problem, not enemies in a debate. It sounds soft, but it’s actually power armor for your connection.

The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work - Book by J. Gottman

Flirt Like You’re in High School

Remember when you used to text each other random jokes and heart emojis? Do that again. Flirting isn’t just for date night—it’s the WD-40 of a happy marriage.

Send a silly meme, grab their butt as they walk past the fridge, or whisper something goofy in their ear. Laughter and playfulness are the secret ingredients that keep your marriage from tasting like stale crackers. Plus, it makes life way more fun.

Build a “Yes” Culture

Nothing kills romance faster than a constant stream of “no.” “No, I’m tired.” “No, not now.” “No, I don’t like that movie.” Instead, try to say “yes” more often, even to small, silly requests.

When your partner says, “Let’s go for a walk right now,” say yes. When they want to try that weird new restaurant, say yes. Saying yes builds momentum, and momentum makes a marriage feel like a spontaneous road trip, not a boring commute.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Guide for Couples — FP

Celebrate the Boring Stuff

Here’s a weird truth: the most romantic moments are often the most mundane. I’m talking about the time they folded your laundry without being asked, or when they brought you coffee in bed—even though they spilt half of it on the carpet.

Notice those moments. Say, “Thank you. That was really good of you.” Acknowledging the small, daily sacrifices is like watering a plant—your love will grow ridiculously strong, and you’ll feel like you’re on the same wild, wonderful team.

Your Relationship Is an Experiment

Think of your marriage as a living, breathing experiment. You get to adjust the variables: more laughter? Less criticism? More surprise snacks? Test it out and see what works.

Because here’s the beautiful truth: you don’t need a perfect marriage. You just need a willing one. A marriage where both people keep showing up, keep trying, and keep laughing—even when life gets messy. And that? That’s the most inspiring adventure you’ll ever share.

So go on—text your partner a dumb joke right now. Trust me, your future selves will thank you.