Longmont Police Blotter

Welcome to the wonderfully weird world of the Longmont Police Blotter! While crime might sound scary, reading this daily log is far more entertaining than a soap opera. It’s a free, public snapshot of your town’s quirks, showing you the real Longmont—from runaway chickens to suspicious van dwellers with too many garden gnomes.

The blotter’s main purpose is community transparency. By publishing these calls for service, the Longmont PD shows you exactly how they spend their day. The real advantage? You get a hilarious, unfiltered look at human behavior. It’s the only place where “man found napping in a dumpster” and “dispute over a burnt pizza” sit side by side. You’ll never feel like your day was the worst after reading it.

Here’s a creative idea: turn it into a neighborhood bingo game. Print out a card with squares like “Yelling at a traffic cone,” “E-bike stolen, found two blocks away,” or “Woman claims a raccoon ordered coffee.” Then, every morning, scan the blotter and see if you can get five in a row. It makes Monday mornings actually fun.

Another tip? Use it as a conversation starter. When you meet a neighbor, say, “Did you read about the guy who tried to pay for gas with Monopoly money?” It breaks the ice instantly. You’ll bond over shared laughter and feel more connected to your community—because we’re all in this silly boat together.

Our Public Safety and Community Partners

For the aspiring writer, the blotter is pure gold. Fiction inspiration is everywhere. That “shoplifter who stole only lightbulbs” could be a character in a short story. The “person who called 911 because their cat got stuck in a yoga pose”? That’s a hilarious tweet or a children’s book plot. Just change the names to protect the not-so-innocent.

Practical advice: Don’t take it too seriously. The blotter often leaves out juicy context—that “suspicious vehicle” might just be a tired Uber driver. So laugh, share, and enjoy the absurdity. It’s a reminder that life in Longmont is wonderfully unpredictable, and that police officers are the best storytellers we never pay enough to hear.