Stonington Police Logs

Let’s talk about the Stonington Police Logs. Yes, those logs. The tiny, hilarious window into a sleepy coastal town where absolutely nothing happens—until it does.

The Lost & the Found

Someone reported a “suspicious puddle.” No, seriously. A puddle of what? Mystery liquid? Boredom? The log didn’t say. But you know someone stood there, hands on hips, demanding answers.

Another entry: “Lost cat. White with a pink collar. Last seen judging a mailbox.” I’m not making that up. That’s what the dispatcher wrote. The cat was found an hour later, sitting on the same mailbox, looking smug.

Animal Kingdom Chaos

Stonington is basically a wildlife documentary. One log reports a “raccoon in a trash can refusing to leave.” The officer’s notes say: “Subject (raccoon) uncooperative. Advised to find better employment.” Brutal.

Then there’s the “goat on the loose” incident. The goat was spotted eating a neighbor’s petunias. By the time police arrived, the goat had started a local fan club. Three people told the officer, “Let him finish the flowers, he’s earned it.”

The “I Called 911 for This?” Files

You’ve got your classics. “Woman reports loud music from neighbor’s home.” The music? One single bagpipe. At 2:00 PM on a Tuesday. The neighbor claimed it was “musical art therapy.” The officer wrote: “Noise ordinance violation. Advised to use headphones for future bagpipe art.”

Stonington Police Log: July 23 To July 29 | Stonington, CT Patch

Another gem: “Man calls about a UFO hovering over his backyard.” Officer arrived, looked up. It was a Mylar birthday balloon shaped like a unicorn. The man was not amused. The log says he muttered, “That’s exactly what they want you to think.” Who’s “they”? We’ll never know.

Quirky Crimes That Aren’t Crimes

“Suspicious vehicle parked near the pier for three hours.” The driver? An artist painting a watercolor of the sunset. He had a sketchbook and everything. Police let him off with a warning: “Don’t be so suspicious next time. Maybe wear a beret.”

There’s also the “fistfight over a lobster roll.” Yes. Two tourists argued over the last buttered roll at a seafood shack. No punches landed. One threw a pickle. The log notes: “Parties separated. Lobster roll confiscated as evidence.” (I hope an officer ate it.)

Stonington Police Logs April 30-May 3 | Stonington, CT Patch

Why We’re Obsessed

These logs are like the world’s most boring reality show—but better. They show a town where drama is a missing garden gnome or a cow standing in the road. The cow, by the way, was just “contemplating its life choices.” Officer’s words. Not mine.

You can’t write this stuff. It’s too real. It’s too weird. It’s pure, unfiltered small-town humanity. And every single entry makes you wonder: What happens to that raccoon’s career choices?

Your Next Move

Go read the logs. They’re public record. You’ll laugh. You’ll cringe. You’ll discover a report about “a man singing opera to a seagull.” (The seagull filed a noise complaint.) This is our world. Stonington lives in a beautiful, hilarious bubble where a puddle is suspicious and a bagpipe is a crime.

So the next time you see a police log headline, open it. It’s better than TV. I promise you’ll find a goat, a balloon, and a very judgmental cat. What more do you need?