The Recorder Obits
You know that feeling when you peek at something you probably shouldn’t? Reading obituaries is exactly that. But not in a morbid way. It’s like reading a secret history of you...
You know that feeling when you peek at something you probably shouldn’t? Reading obituaries is exactly that. But not in a morbid way. It’s like reading a secret history of your town, written in tiny, hilarious footnotes.
The Daily Dose of Drama
Forget reality TV. The obits page is the real drama. You get the “beloved wife of” who survived her husband by fifty years and outlived three cats. You also get the guy who died after being hit by a falling coconut. Yes, that’s a real obituary. It’s a daily reminder that life is weird, and death is surprisingly funny.
The Quirky Cast of Characters
Every obit has a personality. Look for the ones that list a person’s favorite joke. Or the one that says she loved “margaritas, long walks, and yelling at politicians.” These aren’t sad stories—they are character sketches. You learn that old Mr. Henderson once streaked across a golf course in 1972. The internet never forgets, and neither do the family writers.
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The Secret Society of Names
Obituaries are a goldmine for hilarious names. Ever met a Fanny Wigglesworth? Or a Buster Crabtree? They exist. You’ll find triple names like “Larry ‘The Lawnmower Man’ McGee” and people called “Buddy” who were clearly not everyone’s buddy. It’s a census of eccentricity.
The Surprising Side Hustles
People lead weird lives. One obit said the deceased “invented a device to keep squirrels out of bird feeders.” Another boasted a woman who “collected 10,000 buttons and never wore a buttoned shirt.” The best part? She donated them to a museum. These details make you want to ask: What was your story, button lady?
Zanesville Times Recorder Obituary Submission
The Passive-Aggressive Paragraphs
Oh, you can read between the lines. “She is predeceased by her ex-husband, whom no one will miss.” That’s a real vibe. Or “He was a complicated man, survived by his third wife, Linda, who he met at a bingo hall.” The family is roasting the dead, and we are here for it. It’s the pettiest form of storytelling.
The Creative Causes of Death
Nobody just “dies” in obituaries anymore. They “departed this earthly coil,” “moved on to the great garage in the sky,” or “lost their battle with a particularly stubborn garden gnome.” I made that last one up, but you get the point. Some are brutally honest: “He died doing what he loved—arguing about barbecue.” That’s a legacy.
OBITUARIES | The Recorder News
The Best Reader’s Theater
Read them aloud. I dare you. “Florence M. Buttercup, age 97, died peacefully while listening to polka music. She will be remembered for her ferocious love of nachos.” Say that with a straight face. You can’t. It’s a play in three sentences. Every obit is a one-act comedy.
Why You Should Start Today
You don't need to know the person. Just open the paper or scroll the website. You’ll find a retired pirate (literally, a real pirate-themed wedding officiant), a woman who knit sweaters for stray dogs, and a man who owned 47 identical gray hats. This is community theater for the soul.
So next time you’re bored, skip the news. Go straight to the obits. It’s the best gossip column you’re not allowed to say you read. And hey, you might even learn what to put in your own obituary. Hint: include the coconut. Everyone loves the coconut story.
