Tom Geisel Funeral Home

Let’s talk about Tom Geisel Funeral Home. Yes, you read that right—a funeral home. But trust me, this isn’t your grandma’s stuffy parlor. It’s a place where death gets a serious dose of personality.

Who is Tom Geisel?

Tom Geisel isn’t just some random name on a sign. He’s a local legend in central Pennsylvania. Imagine a mortician who mixes dark humor with a heart of gold. That’s Tom.

He’s been a funeral director for over 30 years. But here’s the kicker: he also runs a thriving used car lot next door. No joke. You can buy a cremation package and a used Honda Civic in the same afternoon.

The Weirdest Building in Town

The funeral home itself is a spectacle. It’s a huge, pink Victorian house that looks like it escaped from a Tim Burton movie. Locals call it “the Pepto-Bismol Palace.”

Inside, you’ll find a mix of velvet drapes and vintage circus posters. Tom loves collectibles. His office is crammed with oddities: a stuffed peacock, a talking parrot clock, and a coffin-shaped coffee table.

“Death isn’t scary,” Tom once said. “It’s just the last party you’ll ever host.” And he decorates accordingly.

Services with a Side of Sass

Tom offers all the usual stuff—embalming, viewings, cremation. But he does it with zero pretense. He’ll tell you outright: “I’m not selling heaven. I’m selling a box and a hole in the ground.”

His cremation packages start at $695, which is crazy cheap. He even offers “direct cremation” where you skip the whole funeral hype. No flowers, no sermons, just a simple goodbye.

Thomas L Geisel Funeral Home - Funeral Home Pages

But the best part? Tom drives the hearse himself. And it’s not just any hearse—it’s a 1979 Cadillac with purple velvet interior. He calls it “The Ghost Rider Express.”

Funny Stories from the Morgue

Tom has a million stories. Like the time a family asked to bury their dad with his pet ferret. Tom obliged—and even tucked the ferret in the suit pocket.

Or the guy who wanted his ashes mixed into fireworks. Tom arranged it. The final send-off was a 15-minute explosion over the local lake. The family cheered.

“I’ve put people in urns shaped like motorcycles, shot glasses, and even a barbell,” Tom says. “If you can dream it, I can cremate it.”

Why This Matters

Here’s the thing: death is terrifying. But Tom Geisel makes it feel normal. He removes the creepy shroud and replaces it with a laugh and a handshake.

Thomas L. Geisel Funeral Home

He’s proof that funerals don’t have to be sad. You can celebrate a life with a pink hearse and a cheap cremation. You can honor a loved one with a custom urn shaped like a antique typewriter.

Tom’s motto? “We don’t do boring. Life is too short—and death is even shorter.”

Visit If You Dare

If you’re ever in Manheim, Pennsylvania, drive past the big pink house. Wave at Tom. He’ll probably be outside polishing a hearse or selling a used Chevy.

He might even give you a tour. Just don’t be surprised if he offers you a cookie from a jar shaped like a skeleton’s head. That’s just Tom being Tom.

And if you want to pre-plan your own send-off? Go for it. Tom will laugh with you, shake your hand, and say, “See you on the other side—but hopefully not for a long time.”

Death is weird. Tom Geisel makes it fun.